This topic is very important to me as I personally have been living with anxiety, depression and panic attacks most of my life. I’ve noticed an increase in the symptoms through my sobriety and my most recent relationship coming to an end. My goal is to inform others they are not alone and there are many tools available to help you.
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This quote perfectly describes why you must spend time working on yourself and healing past hurts before entering into a relationship expecting to find your happiness and projecting your insecurities and hurts onto another person. We must break the cycle of self-sabotaging our relationships if we expect to be an example for younger generations and find that special person we so desire to share our lives with.
Many relationships don’t last past the “honeymoon” phase and marriages are proven statistically to fail half of the time and so many of the other half are simply going through the motions and not putting their all into the relationship. Relationships take daily work and you must be willing to put your ego aside and work as a team, while communicating every last one of your feelings both good and not so good. You must be honest with your partner, but at the same time be empathetic to their feelings. Deliver your message in a loving and non accusatory manner.
We cannot control who we meet, however, we can control who we allow to stay and give our time and energy to. This is something a lot of people don’t realize and they get caught up in emotion and are willing to sacrifice their own boundaries and values to be with someone that might not be the right fit. The warning signs of a person who is not ready to receive and give love selflessly are referred to as “red flags”. If ignored, they will eventually destroy the relationship if not addressed and a compromise is not agreed upon. If we are wandering this earth with no plan or idea what our definition of a successful life is, we often accept less than we deserve and get caught up in the idea that our happiness is dependent upon another person.
Look within and choose to stay single until you love yourself and are 100% content sitting alone on a Friday night at peace and joy in your own thoughts. You can’t force another person to be ready and able to give you the love you desire and deserve. Be patient and enjoy the freedom you have to learn more about who you are, what you are passionate about and what your definition of success is. Once, you’ve determined the path you are on, don’t sacrifice your values and beliefs to align with someone who is not in alignment with you. Your heart may want this person in your life, but they may not be the right fit and the relationship will likely lead down a path of resentment and hurt.
Working on your self includes addressing past hurts through counseling, joining a group of those dealing with similar hurts, reading books to help you understand and provide tools to change your mindset and behaviors, daily meditation on being grateful, forgiveness of others and yourself, practicing daily positive self-talk to build your self-confidence, setting goals that stretch your comfort zone, taking care of your body through exercise, rest and eating healthy, spending time face to face with people who build you up and don’t drain your energy, avoiding negative, toxic and pessimistic people, volunteering to help others and pursuing a career that you are so passionate about that you would do it for free.
As a result, you will recognize when you meet someone who compliments you and adds value to your already fulfilling and happy life, you will connect on a level you have never experienced before and it has the potential to be true love, filled with empathy and compassion vs. infatuation, lust or ego.
I’ve been walking daily since October 14th and I feel better than I have in a long time. Any time I feel sad, lonely, depressed or tired, I lace up my shoes and hit the pavement or trail. It’s time to get moving every single day and watch every area of your life improve. Guaranteed…It’s science!
In this episode of the Change Through Pain podcast, I discuss how sacrifice means something different to people from all walks of life and is measured based upon a person’s perspective derived from their own life experiences and environment.