I found this article extremely insightful and helpful to my past and future relationships and decided to share with others in the hope that it will help someone else.
Most people cite a number of reasons for why a relationship didn’t work out. Do any of these sound familiar:
“We fought all the time, He cheated, She was too possessive, We didn’t know how to communicate, We were incompatible, We just grew apart.”
After working with couples for over 50 years, I’ve heard all these. And the majority of these people go on to be unhappy in their next relationship.
That’s why, if you’re in a relationship now and things have gotten so bad that you think you might be better off with someone else, you need to pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you.
Follow the link below to read the full article
I continue to observe people transitioning from one relationship to the next and point the finger at the other person as to why things did not work out. I can recall only a handful of conversations I’ve had with anyone where they admitted their faults and mentioned the work they were doing to fix themselves. Why is this the case? Why do most refuse to look in the mirror and reflect on what they need to work on, improve or hurts they need to heal? Why do they only blame the other person despite the reality they are very likely projecting their insecurities or hurts onto the other person as well?
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop and what you reinforce” – Tony Gaskins.
This article does a great job explaining why relationships fail and fail again a second and third time. It’s no coincidence why the pattern of failed relationships continues long after the current one has ended. What is proven is the fact most humans choose not to change their own habits and are choosing the easy way out. Changing yourself takes daily discipline and very hard work. It’s easier to point the finger and blame someone else or your troubled childhood. I am living proof of the changes that are possible if you dedicate your life to changing your mindset, your story, your habits and your actions.
It’s time we accept being single and learn to heal and love ourselves before we enter into a relationship. The importance of being single is often overshadowed by pleasing others such as friends, family, coworkers or a significant other. Single time is very important to learn what we like, what we don’t like, learn to set boundaries, discover our passions and create success that truly fulfills our souls. We must create a life of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction before we can ever be fully available to receive the unconditional love of another. It’s also important to appreciate and accept the fact another person is not the reason for our happiness, but rather they are adding value and complimenting our lives.
I implore you to take a step back and look inside yourself and ask if you are happy and love yourself or circumstance. If they answer is yes, I’m very happy for you. If the answer is no, take 20 minutes today to write down what you are grateful for and also what you want to improve in your life. Next, meditate on the blessings and use that energy to visualize what changes you can make to improve those areas of your life. Start with actions you can take to change your beliefs and behaviors. Work on yourself and be an example of positive change for those around you. If you discover through this process that those around you and your circumstances are not improving, it may be time to eliminate certain people or environments from your life.
Life is too short and precious to waste another minute being unhappy or not following your passion. It’s time to decide to change your life. What are you waiting for?
I have learned that both parties involved in a romantic relationship must be in a place of self-love as well as having dealt with past hurts in order to have a fulfilled and successful relationship. There are examples of relationships that have stood the test of trial and tribulation, however, they very likely would have been much stronger or had fewer problems if they entered the relationship in a fully healthy state ready to receive and give unconditional and nonjudgemental love. Also, a relationship requires both parties to put 100 percent into their efforts for both to get the most from one another and feel fully satisfied and loved. There is no perfect formula for a successful relationship and life throws a lot of curveballs your way, however, when the foundation is strong, the storms are much more easily weathered.